You’re married now, congratulations! Everything is perfect, right? WRONG.
Marriage is a beautiful thing, but it’s also hard work. It takes a lot of time, effort, and patience to make it work. And even then, you’re bound to make a few mistakes along the way.
Below, we’ve listed some of the most common mistakes made by married women. Avoid these mistakes at all costs, and you’ll be on your way to a happy and healthy marriage.
Taking Your Marriage for Granted
You might be wondering how you can make such a mistake. After all, your marriage is the most important thing in your life, right? Wrong. What’s more important than your marriage is you. If you don’t put yourself first, you won’t have anything left to give to your marriage.
It’s so easy to take our marriages for granted. We get busy with work, raising kids, and all of the other obligations we have. Before we know it, we’ve stopped taking the time for each other that we need. We stop talking, sharing our thoughts and feelings. And soon enough, our marriages are in trouble.
Don’t let this happen to you. Make sure you take some time for yourself every day. Connect with your spouse on a deeper level. Let them know how much they mean to you. And most importantly, never take your marriage for granted.
Not Communicating Effectively
You’re not alone if you’ve ever felt like you and your spouse are living in two different worlds. It’s common for women to feel like they’re not being heard, and this can lead to frustration and resentment.
The key to communication is understanding your spouse’s love language. What matters most to them? Is it words of affirmation? Quality time? Acts of service? Physical touch? Once you understand this, you can start to communicate in a way that will be meaningful and effective for them.
Remember, communication is a two-way street. Your spouse should also be listening to what you have to say, and taking it into account when making decisions. If they’re not, it’s time to have a conversation about why that is.
Keeping Score and Competing
You’re keeping score. You know you are. You want him to do the dishes more, and you want him to take out the garbage without being asked. You want him to be more like your ex-husband, who did all of those things without complaining.
Comparing your husband to your ex-husband is a surefire way to start a competition in your marriage that you will lose every time. Not only will you always feel like you’re falling short, but you’ll also drive a wedge between you and your husband. It’s one of the most common marriage mistakes made by married women, and it’s something that can be easily avoided.
Just let go of the comparisons and focus on what your husband does do well. Appreciate him for those things, and give him the credit he deserves. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and your marriage won’t be perfect overnight either.
Not Being Honest About Your Feelings
One of the most common marriage mistakes that many married women make is not being honest about their feelings. You may think it’s easier to keep the peace by not sharing how you really feel, but that could be detrimental to your relationship. In fact, being honest with your partner is essential in any successful relationship.
It can be hard to tell someone what you’re feeling, especially if it’s something unpleasant. But when you open up and share your true feelings with your spouse, it will help you both better understand each other and come up with a solution together. Being honest about your feelings can also prevent any misunderstandings or arguments from arising in the future.
At the end of the day, only you know how you feel and no matter how hard it may be to talk about it, being honest with your partner is key for a healthy marriage.
Having Unrealistic Expectations
It’s only natural to expect certain things from your marriage, but having expectations that are too high can set you up for failure. When you have unrealistic expectations of your partner or the relationship, it can lead to feelings of disappointment and resentment, which can cause unnecessary stress and strain on the marriage.
Instead of expecting perfection, focus on the aspects of the relationship that make it strong, like open communication and mutual support. This can help create realistic expectations and encourage healthy behaviors in the relationship.
Remembering to manage your expectations and be patient and understanding with your spouse is key to a successful marriage. It’s also important to communicate openly about any issues that arise so that they can be resolved quickly before they become bigger problems.
Failing to Prioritize the Marriage
One of the most common mistakes women make in marriage is failing to prioritize their relationship. We’re all busy. We’ve got kids, jobs, and other commitments clamoring for our attention, which means it can be easy to put our marriages on the backburner.
But it’s important to remember that your marriage takes work — your marriage should always be one of your top priorities. Otherwise, it can start to feel like you and your spouse are drifting apart.
You don’t need to spend every waking moment with your spouse — but you do need to make an effort to make him or her a priority in your life. This includes setting aside time for date nights, spending quality time together — even if it’s just talking or watching a movie — and doing things that help you both stay connected, like going on vacations or taking day trips together.
Letting Resentment Fester
Are you stuck in a cycle where you’re constantly bickering with your spouse? Women often find themselves ruminating on all the little chores their partner doesn’t do, the words said in an argument, or the occasional insensitive comment. And these things can lead to resentment if unresolved.
Letting resentment fester is one of the biggest mistakes women make in marriage. When we hold it in, it can nudge our spouse away and make them feel like they don’t have our support. That’s certainly not the goal right?
Instead, try being open and honest about how you feel. Communicate your feelings directly and clearly to your spouse in a calm manner to help prevent any misunderstandings or hurt feelings. If necessary, take a break and come back to the conversation with a cooler head before continuing the conversation. By doing this, you’ll be able to work through any issues and come out of it stronger as a couple.
Not Making Any Effort to Change
We all know that relationships take work and that doesn’t change when you get married. But so many married women fail to put in the effort to address issues and make changes when needed. Having a lazy attitude towards your marriage will only cause further conflict and unhappiness.
If something’s not working in your marriage, find ways to communicate with your spouse more clearly and work together to find solutions. You can even seek out counseling if needed, or look into different activities that could help bring the two of you closer together (e.g., a couples’ retreat or a hobby). Really anything that could help build trust and communication is worth exploring.
Don’t let things continue on if you’re unhappy—make efforts to improve things for both of you. Change won’t happen overnight, but any effort is sure to bring about positive results!
Spending Too Much Time Apart
Marriage is a relationship of two people committed to making it work, so quality time spent together is essential. Yet, many women get caught up in the busyness of life and unintentionally drift away from spending time with their spouse.
Whether it’s because of job and/or family commitments, it’s important to remember that taking a break from our day-to-day tasks is essential for any relationship. Schedule at least one date night every week or two—doing something new and fun is always a great idea.
And let’s not forget the “unofficial” date nights. Taking trips together or just having an intimate evening at home watching your favorite movie can still make all the difference in your marriage. Being able to discuss things on various levels creates understanding and connection, which are both very important in a successful marriage.
Avoiding Deep Conversations
When you’re married, it can be easy to get trapped in the day-to-day responsibilities and forget to engage in deep conversations with your partner. This is a mistake because these conversations are important for connection and intimacy.
Take the time to have meaningful conversations about current events, share your thoughts and feelings about things that are going on in your lives, and find out about your husband’s innermost hopes and dreams. If you don’t know how to start or feel uncomfortable talking about certain topics, one strategy can be to put yourself in their shoes and try to understand their point of view first before engaging in the discussion.
Another way to foster deeper conversations is by setting aside dedicated time each week where you just focus on talking to each other. Even if it’s just fifteen minutes between dinner and dessert! Making sure you take the time to talk will help ensure that the conversations don’t get shallow or surface-level, but instead, explore something deeper that could bring both of you closer as a couple.
Refusing to Compromise
No one is right all the time, and in a successful marriage, both partners need to be willing to compromise. Refusing to give in, even when you’re sure you’re right and your partner is wrong can cause a lot of unnecessary tension and frustration.
Take the time to consider your partner’s perspective and try to be open-minded. Even if you don’t end up agreeing about the issue at hand, it’s important to show that you respect their point of view. It’s also important to remember – compromise doesn’t mean capitulation; it means finding a solution that works for both of you.
When it comes down to it, marriages thrive in environments of mutual respect and understanding. So try your best not to let minor differences become a source of contention or an excuse for wanting out of your relationship.
The good news is that you can learn from the mistakes of other women and improve your own marriage. Just be honest with yourself, and be willing to make some changes. And if you’re having trouble with your marriage, don’t be afraid to seek help. There are plenty of resources available, and there’s no shame in getting professional help.
Marriage is a hard job, but it’s worth it. So don’t give up. Keep fighting for your marriage, and keep working to make it the best it can be.